Should We Pay Our Kids to Make Healthy Choices?

My first reaction was to be shocked that model Heidi Klum pays her kids to eat healthy foods. But then I relaxed and was able to have a very interesting conversation with some of my friends. One of whom pays her children for getting A’s. How is that different she asked me? Well, I don’t think it is, but the question is, is it effective? I am not sure that it is. 

In both instances (healthy choices and grades), we are trying to change a behavior that is not intrinsic to the child – meaning the child is not internally motivated to do so. As a result, we (parents, teachers) are looking for extrinsic or external ways to motivate, hoping to ignite that fire within. This is not a new approach to behavior change; teachers do it, parents do it, grandparents do it, coaches do it, but does it work?

It may work for some, but in general, in my experience, I don’t think it really works for long-term change. There is tons of research on motivation but the fact remains that everyone is motivated by different things and rewarding a child for a desired behavior needs to tap into what motivates that particular child. Having three kids of my own, this is not easy and varies significantly depending on the child.

When I work with families in the pediatric weight control program, we work together to set specific and achievable goals around food and exercise. We also ask the parents and kids to work together to come up with a motivating reward to help achieve these goals, but these rewards have very specific guidelines:

1)      NO food (healthy or otherwise)
2)      Should be active (hiking, biking)
3)      Should be together (parent and child)
4)      NO money or expensive gifts
5)      It must be delivered immediately (within a week of achieving the goal)
6)      Ideally, it is something that interests the child

Parents need to come up with rewards that they can provide [potentially] every week for 25 weeks!

What I have learned is that most children are motivated by relatively simple rewards. Spending time with a parent while doing a fun activity seems to be reward enough for many. By month 3 of a 6 month program, most (not all) students seem motivated by their own success and feelings of empowerment and control. 

We know that rewards can positively influence behavior, but can't we just keep it simple and meaningful? Parents, hang on to your money and spend time with your child doing an activity you both enjoy.

 

What Motivates Kids to Lose Weight? Samantha's Sweatsuit

Samantha is a typical 13 year old girl who started the program 9 weeks ago. She continues to stay motivated, writes in her journal every day and reduces her red light foods. She struggles a little bit with getting her exercise points every day (her goal is one hour a day) but is working hard. I sat down with Sammy and her mom last week after class to go over her progress. She is progressing at a very healthy weight and at 9 weeks she has been able to reduce her BMI by 6%,  which is great [the average BMI reduction is 6-7% after 6 months in the program].

I asked her, which we often do, "what motivates you to continue to make change". She looked at her mom and said, “Can I tell her?” and her mom said, "Of course!"

 She told me that when she is done with the program, she wants to go clothes shopping and get new clothes – and not just any new clothes. She wants a cute sweatsuit that she can wear on the plane to visit family over the summer. Normally this is an expectation that I try to manage and perhaps even discourage but in this case it seemed fine.  She reassured me, without prompting, that this was not the main reason she was in the program but it was what motivates her when she feels discouraged – after all, as Sammy said, clothes are very important in 7^th grade…

Happy Father's Day: Be a Good Role Model!

What do we want for our children? In general, I think all parents want their kids to be safe, happy, and healthy. How do we get there? Like it or not, if we want our kids to do "certain" things, we need to show them how to do it. That means, we (parents) have to be good role models. Easier said then done.

1. How many parents insist that their kids wear a bike helmet and don't wear one themselves?
2. How many parents would be freaked out and outraged if their 16-year old was texting and/or talking on the phone while driving?
3. How many parents insist that their children go exercise while they sit on the couch?
4. How many parents make their children eat their broccoli while openly admitting they hate vegetables, let alone broccoli?!?

If we want our children to do something, we need to do it ourselves. I am very realistic - my friends will tell you that I am not overly restrictive and crazy about nutrition and exercise, at the same time, I try very hard to practice what I teach others to do. But I will never say I am perfect - parenting is about making mistakes and learning from them.

Like it or not, kids do what we do, not what we say. Our actions are far more powerful than our words. We lead by example...etc., etc., etc., This all makes sense when you become a parent. I do not want my kids texting while driving - so I make a point of not doing so. 

This is a parenting reminder that applies to everything! If we want our kids to make healthy choices, guess what, we need to make healthy choices! If we want our kids to exercise, we need to exercise! It does not mean we have to be the healthiest, fittest parent on the planet, but we need to show our kids that it is important that the family is healthy and that health is a priority for all of us (including the dog).